Conflict is inevitable. Some people love it, and others hate it.
But regardless of your feelings about it, there’s an approach to conflict that can create better workplaces where there is trust, honesty, and innovation.
When handled correctly, conflict can actually bring teams closer together.
Understanding Conflict
Not all conflict is created equal, and each kind has different stakes for your organization. Let’s talk about interpersonal conflict versus conflict between groups.
Interpersonal conflict
Interpersonal conflict can arise from:
- Misunderstanding
- Personality or communication style
- Disagreement about facts
- Disagreement about process or policy
- Ego
Between members of a team: Conflict can create distractions, delay task completion, reduce team cohesion, and put team goals in jeopardy.
Between members of different teams: Conflict can lead to disengagement, distrust, poor collaboration, and reduced operational efficiency between teams.
With a leader or direct report: Conflict can lead to disengagement, decreased productivity, resentment, greater turnover, and even a toxic environment.
Conflict between groups
Conflict between groups can arise from:
- Values conflict
- Disagreement about process or policy
- Handling change
It can lead to missed opportunities, wasted resources, resentment, poor collaboration, and hindrance of shared goals.
Identifying Root Causes of Conflict
When you pinpoint the root cause of a conflict, you’re able to address that underlying issue, not just manage tensions. You resolve the conflict more effectively, prevent future conflicts, avoid blame, and foster greater collaboration.
Reacting rather than responding
If you perceive someone’s words or demeanor as a threat, your amygdala kicks into protective mode. You feel the urge to fight, flee, or freeze.
If you allow one of these urges to become a reaction, you sow the seeds of conflict. But you can take steps to shortcut your reaction, so you come from a place of response.
When you feel the fight, flight, or freeze urge:
- Pause a moment and recognize the urge as such
- Accept the situation for what it is
- Get curious rather than defensive
Simply allowing that small space between the urge and your actions works wonders.
Avoiding offering feedback
A great many people — managers and colleagues alike — are uncomfortable about offering feedback. A few common reasons for this are worries about pushback, uncertainty about the best way to do it, and fear of impacting morale.
But not providing necessary feedback can impact both the employee in question and others on the team because it:
- Erodes trust
- Builds resentment
- Can cause passive aggressive behavior
- Allows problems or mistakes to get bigger
Knowing how to give effective feedback, however, can reduce your desire to avoid. One proven method is the “what, how, why” framework:
- Describe what someone is doing incorrectly
- Explain how you would like them to do it instead
- Emphasize why this way is best
Make the framework your own and tailor it according to the person receiving the feedback.
Assuming
When you assume, you introduce an imaginary truth to the situation. You might not even realize you’ve made an assumption. But assumptions are often the source of conflict.
If you find yourself up against conflict, do a quick check to ensure assumptions aren’t the cause. Ask yourself:
- What were my expectations? Have I shared them?
- Have I asked the next right question?
- Where can I find the positive intent?
- Where can I have empathy?
Then, use the O.I.C. framework — observation, interpretation, confirmation — to constructively approach the situation: Communicate what you saw, share your perspective, then ask for input.
Getting pulled into the conflict
Triangulation is the term for when others involve you in their conflict. You can play a beneficial role when this happens by reframing things using ARCH:
- Acknowledge the concern
- Reframe the issue or offer a different perspective
- Create talking points together
- Hold them accountable for having the conversation themselves
Four Phrases to Confidently Address Conflict in the Workplace
Does your mind go blank when faced with uncomfortable or confrontational discussions? Try these phrases to stay on track during conflict.
“Let’s take a pause.”
Remember, you cannot control others — but you can control your own reactions. Responding appropriately to confrontation can at times require taking a break. Take 20 minutes, take some deep breaths, and get your thoughts in order.
“I want your perspective. Help me understand where you’re coming from.”
This communicates your genuine curiosity about what the other person might be thinking, experiencing, or feeling. It is important to allow the other person to share their perspective without contradiction.
“Your feelings are valid.”
This statement doesn’t excuse a person’s behavior. Rather, it conveys that you understand that their feelings are real. This kind of validation can prepare someone for resolution because they no longer need to justify their feelings.
“What is your wish in this situation, or what is the ideal outcome for you?”
This is not a promise that the other person will get what they want. It can, however, help you understand what the other party actually needs, thus getting you closer to a resolution. Once you understand what everyone’s ideal state is, you can guide team members toward finding a solution together.
Conflict Makes Us Stronger
Ultimately, conflict can be a tool to find greater trust, improve operations and processes, and include everyone on your team the way they want to be included.
Conflict makes us stronger because:
- Past lessons inform future growth
- Staying in the conflict brings us closer
- Talking through a problem creates greater buy in
- Exploring all angles ensures a dynamic solution
If you go into conflict thinking you must win or bring someone over to your side, you’ve already failed at harnessing the true power of conflict.
It is important to remember that most everyone is trying their best, so when conflict arises, assume positive intent and explore what is behind the conflict or misunderstanding.
If you approach conflict as a way to gain a deeper understanding of the person, the problem, or the process, then everyone benefits.
Learn more about how Audigy can help your team!